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Year: 2017

Sex Addiction – Is It Really a Disease?

Posted on September 13, 2017 in Uncategorized

Perhaps you have heard about sex addiction but don’t know too much about it. People hear about different stereotypes that fit the disease and many assume it’s a made up disease that perverts or overly sexual people use as an excuse for their behavior. But, NO! Sex addiction is a real, recognized medical condition that has only come to light in recent years within the psychological and medical profession.

Another reason many people don’t know much about the disease is because most addicts don’t freely talk about sexual disorders. They are either too embarrassed, uncomfortable or ignorant about the topic to discuss it openly with family, friends, or others. As a result, there are many misconceptions and stereotypes about sex addiction that are completely untrue.

When someone hears the term sex addict… Many different thoughts come… Are they thinking about the person who kidnaps and rapes children, the spouse who has multiple affairs, the person who exposes themselves or peeps in windows… or is the person who views pornography at work, or stays online for hours on end… or is the person who has sex with underage partners… or is the “pervert” in the raincoat with the long beard who lives in the scary house at the end of the street… And the example go on… There are so many misconceptions of the term sex addiction.

The National Council on Sex Addiction and Compulsive defines sexual addiction as the “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” Essentially, this means that addicts are so strongly compelled to carry out their addictive behaviors they are willing to risk their:

Health
Relationships
Financial well-being
Employment
Freedom
and in some cases criminal charges.

This disease is much more than someone using it as an excuse for reckless sexual activities. It is a disease, much like alcohol or drug addiction.

In fact, clinicians and researchers have defined the disorder based on criteria used for chemical dependency literature. According to Psych Central, these criteria include the following:

— Frequently engaging in more sex with more partners than intended

— Being preoccupied with or persistently craving sex; wanting to cut down and unsuccessfully attempting to limit sexual activity.

— Thinking of sex to the detriment of other activities or continually engaging in excessive sexual practices despite a desire to stop.

— Spending considerable time in activities related to sex, such as cruising for partners or spending hours online visiting pornographic websites.

— Neglecting obligations such as work, school or family in pursuit of sex.

— Continually engaging in the sexual behavior despite negative consequences, such as broken relationships or potential health risks.

— Escalating scope or frequency of sexual activity to achieve a desired effect, such as more frequent visits to prostitutes or more sex partners.

— Feeling irritable when unable to engage in the desired behavior.

As you can see, all of the criteria focus on repetitive activities that are carried out continually by the sex addict. The nature of the activities also is defined by escalation, which is also typical of any addiction. Professionals feel that if a person engages in three or more of the above criteria for a period of at least six months that they are a suffering from sex addiction.

The American Psychiatric Association has issued its own set of preliminary criteria for what they call “Hypersexual Disorder.” Essentially, it is another term for sexual addiction. The symptoms are similar to the above criteria and can be used by medical professionals to help identify sex addiction in people who are seeking help or are in desperate need of care.

It is important that the level of awareness about sexual addiction increases among the general public because there are myriad people suffering from this disease in silence. If it were better understood, addicts would feel more comfortable to come forward and seek treatment. As it is right now, addicts are often ashamed, embarrassed and afraid of how people would react to their sex addiction.

Casual Sex Relationships: What to Do When They Get Out of Hand

Posted on September 12, 2017 in Uncategorized

Are you in a casual sex relationship with a friend and concerned that your feelings for him are getting too serious? Are you worried that you are falling harder and harder for this guy who may not be interested in you romantically at all? Do you find yourself thinking about him all the time and having to stop yourself from calling or texting him just so that you don’t seem desperate? If any of this sounds like you, you might be in trouble. It’s time to figure out how to get out of this pseudo-relationship before you find yourself heartbroken.

Most of us have been in similar situations. The idea of a “friend with benefits” seems like a universal win. You don’t have the hassle of a full-on romantic relationship, but you still get to have an emotional (if platonic) connection with someone — and get laid, to boot. The problem here is that men are wired very differently from women, especially when it comes to sex. Men can easily have lots of sex with lots of different partners without becoming emotionally or psychologically attached. Women, however, have a few roadblocks in casual sex relationships.

Women tend to identify with and care for their sexual partners far more easily than men do. This is not to say that the situation never happens in reverse, but it is far more likely that a woman will start falling for her casual sex partner than a man will his — and that spells danger for you!

Recognize that the situation is not likely to change. It’s unrealistic to expect or even hope that the relationship’s boundaries will change simply because your level of interest has changed. If you are actually platonic friends with this man, it is even more important to end the relationship before your expectations get out of hand for the sake of salvaging the friendship.

So what do you do? Do nothing! Stop having sex with him. Stop spending time with him alone. Put some space between you and your (former) casual sex partner for a while. Go on dates with other guys to get your mind off of him. Let his phone calls go to voicemail. If you can’t avoid seeing him, invite other trusted mutual friends to the gathering to run defense for you. The bottom line is that you absolutely have to end the sexual relationship NOW, before things get even more out of hand.

Spirituality and Same Sex Relationship

Posted on September 11, 2017 in Uncategorized

The one part of my life which I have never really looked at until recently was how I feel about same sex relationships. Many years ago, in 1977 I had a radio show in Australia. This was 5 years before I opened the metaphysical doorway. It was a 3 hour show every Friday morning and I was the most popular person each week on the radio. Mainly because people loved my English accent, and I realize now, that people were affected by my energy even then, as one woman had said to me, you are so comforting on the radio! I had to have a theme for my show, and I had heard a piece of music which I just loved, it was called Billitus, and I was not to know it was the music from a film about lesbians! I just loved the music. This piece of music played my show in and played it out. One day, I had a letter from a woman who told me she loved my show and would love to meet me. Her name was Elizabeth and she was married with two children. I arranged to meet her a few days after the letter arrived. (There was no email then as far as I recall) We met in town, had a delicious lunch and talked and talked. Elizabeth seemed so nice and invited me back to her house to see photo’s of her children and talk further. I went along quite innocently.

During my visit to her home, she made a cup of tea for me and sat down at my feet. There she began to tell me how much she loved me, how she loved my show and wanted to be with me. I did not know what to do, because I certainly did not feel the same way. I also felt embarrassed, deeply embarrassed. I was married with children myself, I was not happy in my marriage, but the thought of being with another woman was YUK!! I could not get out of the house quick enough. She had given me a book by Karlil Gibran over our lunch, called “The Prophet” apparently I had mentioned on air I loved Gibran’s writing, and did not have a book. I left the book behind in my effort to leave the house as quickly as I could. When I got home, I felt sick, I also felt “dirty” as if I had been invaded. Elizabeth tried to contact me at the radio station by phone, but I refused to take her calls. She sent the Karlil Gibran book by mail, with a nice card; I threw it in the bin. I cannot believe I did it now, but at the time I was so confused and embarrassed. It was as if the book was a part of what had taken place. I changed the music also in the show to something quite different. I shut the experience completely out of my mind and got on with my life, moving house and area a few years later.

After my experience with Elizabeth, many years passed without my having to face the issue again. Meantime the Aids issue became big, and then waned off. It was considered if you were gay as these relationships were known as, that you would get Aids. However, I was getting on with my life, experiencing a recession where I was a major player, and discovering metaphysics. I met quite a few gay people during this time, but kept on the outside of their energy, as I was so frightened what had happened before, would happen again. When I became a clairvoyant reader I had a few clients who were gay and the energy I channeled for them was so filled with love and understanding, but still myself, I had huge difficulty in understanding them. When Maitreya entered my life, one of the first things he began teaching me was love for all humanity no matter who. I had always had love in my heart for everyone, but this issue of gay people was a big block for me to get by.

Maitreya taught me that love in any form was the most beautiful thing people could have. He also taught me about sexual pleasure and how important it was for our spiritual/higher consciousness development, but also for OUR pleasure. Personally I had never had an orgasm; I had to admit I was very inexperienced in the sexual area. In fact to be honest I was downright embarrassed at the talk of sex, and at doing anything other than what basically my parents did. Maitreya led me to books which explained sex in a whole new way; He taught me through many different ways about sexual energy, once leading me through the tease of a book in a shop window on tantric sex, into a shop where I had to ask for the book. The shop was very busy and the owner said very loudly when I asked for the book in the window “Oh the book on tantric sex.” which made everyone look up and my cheeks to go bright red!! One day, I woke up in the morning and felt I had a Penis and testicles; it was as if etherically I did. I could feel the testicles heavy between my legs, and as the day progressed, my Penis rose at the very thought of sex or at the vision of any pretty woman who crossed my path. Thoughts of Elizabeth again surfaced. I learned what it feels like to be a man for the day, and I must be the only female who knows what the tingle feels like before a man has an orgasm. However, after one day, it was over, but not before I had learned that men are totally different to women and understanding the male energy a lot better. It was then Maitreya told me he did not like the word gay. He preferred to use the word “free.” Because he said these people who had same sex relationships were free, they had freed themselves from the binding of conditioning. It took a big commitment to be free and so he wrote a teaching about this. He counseled me on the subject of same sex relationships. I told him it was OK with me, but I did not feel it was for me. He told me that was OK but not to judge and more than ever not to be afraid of these people (which I had to admit I was.) I had been brought up by parents who called these people faggots and other such names.

I had to learn to uncondition myself which was not an easy task. However I found myself becoming more and more understanding. Maitreya brought free couples into my life to show me how their love was given and received. By now, free people were beginning to have families, and a lot of controversy was created because of this. However, I began to think after seeing quite a few couples, why should they not do this? I could see that many of them had so much love to give to children. The common thought was that the children of these couples would become free themselves, but after meeting a couple of families who had been brave and done this many years before and speaking to the children, they were as normal as other families, they just had two of the same sex people as parents. They said they had no feelings themselves for the same sex people. I was beginning to change.

As I began to relax more about same sex relationships, I found that I was becoming more and more understanding about other subjects as well. I found myself talking to free people up close, and actually not being frightened of doing so, something which in my early years would have freaked me out. I remember as a young girl, two particular people, one was a man called Quinten Crisp who when I was in England, came out and admitted he was free at a time when it was considered horrific. He was called all sorts of names and suffered terribly for doing so. Another was when Rock Hudson the film actor died and the press was desperately trying to prove he was free also. They never did at the time, but many years later, after of course many more people had come out, it was proved he was. I began to say, when I met a very handsome free person; “What a waste!” I was changing so much I could not believe it. In 1991 a friend of mine lost her husband to cancer. It devastated her. She had two young children and I realize now she could not face what had happened. I needed someone to help me on the road while I traveled, and she needed to get away. Leaving her children with some friends at the times I went away, we traveled together for me to do my readings and teaching. One evening, in the hotel room, she was crying in her bed over her deceased husband. I decided to get into bed with her and comfort her. As I lay there in bed with her, I found myself actually feeling good about this. She had her back to me, and all of a sudden I felt very loving towards her, I was also feeling sexual. She did not turn around, and eventually went to sleep. I went back to my own bed and lay there thinking about the experience. It did not frighten me, in fact it felt good. I asked myself what I would have done if something had happened. I came to the realization it would not have bothered me, I would have gone with the flow. I felt liberated!

Since that time, I have not had any desire for a female companion or partner. When I met and married Alan, I felt complete, as we are so alike. I knew there would be nobody else for me after Alan and Maitreya confirmed this. However, I was watching TV one night, and there was a new show on MSNBC called “The Rachel Maddow show” Rachel was an incredible woman, she was not only incredible, but openly free. I loved her in a non romantic way. Once again the feeling I had previously was back. However this time I openly welcomed it without fear or wanting to hide. It does not feel “bad” anymore to have that feeling, and I am certainly no longer afraid of it anymore. Do I still love Alan, you bet I do? I also know that I need a man in my life, but would I consider a woman if that were different? You bet you I would. I was thirty two when I met Elizabeth, and I am now sixty two. Thirty long years have passed, and during that time my belief system has totally changed. I cannot thank the world of spirit enough for enabling me to see this and to make the change I have done. Maitreya has said, love is love, it does not matter how it is used. I whole heartily agree.

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