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Sex Relationship Advice – Contrary to Accepted Opinion Sexual Needs of Men and Women Are the Same

Posted on September 10, 2017 in Uncategorized

The area of sex relationship advice is one where there are many aspects to cover. Perhaps a good place to start would be to say it is a good idea, when getting involved in a relationship, not to rush into the sexual side of things.

Very often what happens is that men want to get involved sexually as soon as possible.

This can have such a negative effect on women as they can feel they are being treated as sexual objects, and there is no real interest in them as a person.

This can lead to relationship trust issues, thinking that is all men are interested in.

I was speaking with a woman recently who said she found it impossible to have a friendship with a male because of the sexual tension she experienced. It seems a lot of men do not know how to have platonic relationships with women. She regretted this and would like to have male friends. She is in her late fifties.

Some women can think they are being acknowledged when they agree to sex, and this can become a pattern.

They don’t recognize the sex relationship advice that what is happening is that they are being used.

If they do, they pretend not to, but it has a big effect on their self esteem. They can seem hearty and cheerful, but underneath, they don’t feel good about themselves.

As far as this sexual activity is concerned, I can think of several women who are in this grouping.

One is renowned among her friends for repeating this pattern. She is a lovely person but continues on this path. It seems it could be useful for her to get some professional sex relationship advice.

I recall a woman I saw as a client who was very much in this pattern, and she came to see me as she wanted to deal with it.

I was so amused, when, during the first session we had, she made some very obvious advances. I guess she was so used to behaving this way, and wasn’t even aware she was doing this with me.

I expressed my amusement to her, and we got on with our sex relationship advice session without any more advances from her!

When it comes to sex in a relationship, it is often only the man’s needs that are taken into account.

This can be for various reasons, such as, the man is only interested in meeting his needs and doesn’t think or care about the woman’s needs.

Or it can be thought that the man’s sexual requirements are greater and need to be met, and that women don’t have the same need. This can be the extent of the sex relationship advice that some people get.

Many believe womens’ sexual needs are taken care of through intercourse. This is the ‘hollywood style’ of sex we see portrayed so often.

Some women think they are meant to be satisfied sexually this way by having orgasms in intercourse. When they don’t, they can believe there is something wrong with them.

There are several points in relation to the sex relationship advice that can be made here.

Firstly, it is important to emphasize there is no difference in the sexual needs of men and women. Our needs are the same, contrary to the view that is constantly being put forward. This is one of the new relationship questions that needs to be answered at the early stages of any relationship.

That reminds me of these two older people who met and fell in love. They were talking about how things were going to be in their relationship and the man said to the woman “what about sex between us?” and her response was “infrequently,” and he said, “is that one word or two?!”

Secondly, a crucial point to make with regard to sex relationship advice, is, that women require stimulation of the clitoris to achieve orgasm. A lot of men do not know this and think women are meant to achieve orgasm in intercourse.

Some women do not know this themselves. During the time I worked in a sexual difficulties clinic, the most common issue being dealt with was women not having orgasms.

A survey of this group indicated all of them had sought help from other professionals such as doctors, psychiatrists or other therapists previously, without getting the help they required.

The most important sex relationship advice I can leave you with is to emphasize there is no difference in the sexual needs of men and women. The supposed differences that are commonly accepted is a result of the conditioning process we have all experienced. I expect for some of you that is going to be surprising information.

The Risks of Casual Sex Relationships for Women

Posted on September 8, 2017 in Uncategorized

Casual relationships can seem like a great idea at first. All of the fun with none of the messy romantic side! You may be considering this arrangement with a friend or companion, but there are some things you should know before you get involved. Men and women respond to sex very differently. Of course, we all know that sex is a very enjoyable experience. No one can deny that! But there are some elements to it that affect women more than they do men, and that is where the risk comes in.

Men are very carnal creatures, and can have sex with virtually anything without getting attached. They are not as emotional as women and are not built to be so. For some reason, guys are able to completely separate sex from their emotions, so they have less to worry about in casual relationships. It’s arguable that the “friends with benefits” scenario is the ideal relationship for a lot of guys.

Women are different, though. While you may believe that you are emotionally strong enough and want this arrangement badly enough that you can handle the situation, your hormones don’t agree. The female body produces oxytocin during sexual relations, a chemical that will make you feel attached and affectionate towards whoever you are sharing the experience with. No amount of pre-arranged “no strings attached” discussions can stop oxytocin from being released during sex. It can be close to impossible for a woman to avoid having feelings for the man she is sleeping with, especially if it is on a regular basis.

This is not to say that having a casual sex relationship with someone is a terrible choice, only that it can be risky for a woman. Knowing that you are entering into an agreement with someone who has no romantic feelings for you is fine, but you must also acknowledge the possibility that you may develop feelings for this man and he is very, very unlikely to reciprocate those feelings.

If you are still determined to have a friend with benefits, use caution. If you feel yourself getting attached, pull away from the situation. This can be especially tricky if the person you are having casual sex with is an actual platonic friend that you care about. You have to recognize that you might be doing damage to the friendship as well as risking heartbreak on your end. Think it through before agreeing to the casual relationship, and if you have any doubts, stay away!

Love, Sex & Relationships – Monogamy is Unnatural & Responsible Non-Monogamy Can Save a Relationship

Posted on September 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

It’s difficult for many of us to see how responsible
non-monogamy can save a relationship; fears and
misconceptions about this emotionally touchy subject
can interfere with understanding how it can be beneficial.
Although non-monogamy is not for everyone and is not
always appropriate, below is a comparison of monogamy
and responsible non-monogamy. Note: cheating, lying,
unsafe sex, and promiscuity are not part of responsible
non-monogamy. Complete and radical honesty with your
partner is, and that seems to be what’s most threatening
and challenging to many of us.

With the custom of monogamy, you own each other, sort of
like how you own property. Your partner is yours and if they
even look at someone else the wrong way anger and jealousy
are common.

With responsible non-monogamy, a couple accepts that
owning the rights to each other isn’t love, but possessiveness.
What about the possibility of one of them falling in love with
someone else and abandoning the other? This can happen in
any relationship because you don’t need to sleep with someone
to fall in love with them. Furthermore, it seems that when two
people are destined to meet and fall in love they will,
regardless of whether or not they are single or involved.

With the custom of a traditional commitment and monogamy,
falling in love with someone means that fantasies (such as
“together forever” and “you are mine for the rest of my life”
and “grow old together”) become expectations, and when
they aren’t met it results in disappointment, heartache, anger,
and even divorce.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple tends to accept their
relationship as it is rather than how they want it to be or how
it’s “supposed to be.” They realize that if their relationship
fades or their partner falls in love with someone else, that’s
the way it was likely destined to be. If your relationship ends,
wouldn’t you rather accept that there is a more appropriate
match out there instead of pretending that your existing
connection is “the one” forever?

With the custom of monogamy, when someone cheats it is
kept secret. Because monogamy and honesty are often
assumed in relationships, both the cheater and the person
being cheated on are at risk for contracting STDs. According
to statistics, over 50% of men and women in “committed”
relationships cheat on their partners. Is assumed monogamy
realistic or safe?

With responsible non-monogamy, because there are no sexual
secrets, a couple is more likely to discuss and practice safe sex.

With the custom of monogamy, based on the above statistics,
the illusion of monogamy is much more important to many
people than honesty.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples, on the other hand,
place more value on radical honesty because truthfulness
brings them closer together. In light of this, responsible
non-monogamy could potentially reduce the divorce rate
and introduce a deeper level of honesty in relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, it’s common to blame
an ex-partner and their affair for the reason why the
relationship didn’t last. It’s interesting to note that the
policy of strict monogamy is never blamed in these
situations, yet many who cheat appear better suited for
non-monogamy. Truth be told, some people (both men
and women) feel like caged animals in long-term
monogamous relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, the topic of exclusive
intimacy often is not discussed, but is usually expected.
Is this always realistic or even reasonable, especially when
you know the person has strayed in previous relationships
or sense he or she isn’t the kind of person who would be
happy being sexually exclusive with one person for the rest
of his or her life?

That brings us to related topics: Can we honestly expect
sexual passion to last decades in all relationships? Also,
what happens if one partner loses interest in sex or if one
reveals, years later, that he or she really doesn’t like sex and
wants to avoid it? Masturbation is not a good long-term
substitute for sexual intimacy.

With the custom of monogamy, you are supposed to be
attracted to your partner and only your partner. If you have
desires for or fantasies about someone else, even if you don’t
act on them, they are kept secret. This form of dishonesty can
drive a wedge between couples.

With responsible non-monogamy, the couple acknowledges
that we are all human and an attraction to someone else,
especially during a long-term monogamous relationship, is
natural.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple puts their
commitment to each other and their relationship first so
an attraction to someone else is less of a threat. It is natural
to feel insecure or jealous if your partner is attracted to
someone else, and it’s going to happen whether you’re
monogamous or not, but when a couple is open and honest
with each other about the subject it’s a lot less likely to
cause a problem.

What about children, you ask? Some responsibly non-
monogamous and progressive couples create a “commitment
contract,” where financial arrangements and planning
covering possible scenarios (together for 5 years, 10 years,
20 years, etc.) are agreed upon prior to marriage and before
children are conceived. A new concept? Hardly. Ancient
Egyptians had 5 and 10 year marriage contracts. If mutually
agreed upon, they would renew. Although it’s not easy to
address the subject like you would a business matter, it’s
much tougher to do so later in divorce court. If two people
are unwilling to confront or unable to agree on these issues
before marriage it’s a red flag for their longevity as a couple.

With the custom of monogamy, sex is love, and if your
partner has sex with someone else, they’ve betrayed you
emotionally and it must mean they don’t love you anymore.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that while
love can be expressed through sex, sex in itself with a
secondary partner (if okay with all involved–including the
primary partner) does not have to diminish the love already
established with the primary partner, nor does it put the
primary relationship at risk, if the primary connection is
solid. Something real cannot be threatened. This idea is
similar to having one best friend and many good friends;
you don’t expect your best friend to fulfill everything for
you that many friends do.

With the custom of monogamy, often it’s “No cheating or
else!”

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that giving
such an ultimatum is about as effective as telling your teenager
never to drink alcohol. It’s more effective to discuss the issue
and to have a “no punishment policy” for your kids if they
call you for a ride to avoid driving drunk or to avoid riding
with someone who is drinking and driving. Similarly, such
a policy for responsible non-monogamy will encourage
honesty and can strengthen the commitment.

Lastly and most importantly, if we cheat, even if no one finds
out, negative karma is incurred and we set ourselves up for a
similar situation to “happen to” us in the future. Whatever
action we take will, in time, come back to us, so even though
radical honesty in relationships may be difficult it is often the
best policy. The eyes of truth are always watching us.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

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